work
I’m praying that I’m not wrong. Feel free to weigh in. If I’m wrong, this entire year has been futile, at best. I finally know what it is that I’m searching for, and have been refusing to accept anything other than what it is that I need. When making a decision, I picture myself as an old woman on my deathbed reflecting on my past…and usually the answer comes to me. I do not want to die regretting any of my decisions…and I do not want to die wishing I had been true to myself. If I’m right, I will die happy. If I’m wrong I will die a bitter old woman with no money.
It was almost exactly a year ago that I gave up being a corporate whore to search for something that I could believe in. When I started the search I couldn’t say exactly what it was that I wanted, but I knew that when I saw it I would know. In the past year I have had more jobs than I have had in all of my adult life. I have been a tour guide, worked in a winery, a caberet, a theater, a ranch, an at home survey taker, a restaurant and a culinary school. I got a little closer to the whole picture with each job. What had previously been a hunch became an opinion…and these opinions are now becoming belief.
When I accepted my current position, I couldn’t believe my luck. It was perfect. Exactly where I wanted to be, doing exactly what I wanted to do. The people I worked with "got it." We believed the same things. It was a lot of work, for very little pay but the tradeoff was that I loved it. The wedding weekends were magical, the scenery was fantastic, my schedule was flexible and I was surrounded by horses and happy people. I really hoped it would last. My desire to have a "place" made me blind to the employees leaving in droves… When the wonderful woman who hired me quit I started to get a little nervous. When her replacement arrived I started to get a little scared. It could have gone either way. I still had hope. Then they took away the horses.
My schedule is no longer flexible. I still spend my days running around doing the millions of tasks required to host a party for 50 people every day in the middle of nowhere with a staff of 4 people. Those tasks sometimes take 12 hours to complete. I don’t mind grabbing towels or reccomending day trips. I love organizing a surprise birthday party or picking tomatoes with children who are staying at the ranch. I am quite happy fixing toilets, filing reservations, searching for lost rings, bustling wedding dresses and rigging fishing poles. When I didn’t have a guest need to attend to I tried to bring more guests in. It was chaotic and hard work…but I was doing what I loved.
Now I’m told that my job has changed. They want me to cold call 100 people a day. They want me to travel to conventions. They want me to get people in to tour the site, get ‘em to sign a contract and then never see them again. This will be my responsibility. It sounds logical but…
…who will take care of the guests?
I am a service person.
